Sure, Coco may be a little young to see it, but he said he'd just wear his dream bracelet to bed to avoid nightmares.
So we polished off the movies this weekend.
This morning he noticed that we still had some cotton candy left over from a Knicks game we saw a while ago and asked if he could have it.
When I handed it to him, he hunched over it and gurgled, "Aaah, my precious!"
Monday, April 13, 2009
bookie
finished my first book for the 100 books thing and wrote a little "review"
Great Gatsby
Did you remember that Tom and Daisy had a kid?
Pammy is her name. She’s three.
It’s odd, the things you notice when you reread a classic. I’m now convinced that the only reason the book is assigned to high school kids is its length. For example,
A) If I didn’t have kids of my own, I don’t think I’d have noticed the kid, since the Buchanans don’t seem to, either. I would have noticed Tom breaking his mistress’s nose for mentioning his wife, though. It, too, came as a surprise to me on the reread (am I really such an inattentive first-time reader?).
B) If I hadn’t moved to New York after living in Chicago and Minneapolis, some of the West vs. East would have been greeted with a “whatever.” Makes sense now, though.
C) If I hadn’t passed my thirtieth birthday a while ago, I would have rolled my eyes at this observation:
“I’m thirty,” I said. “I’m five years too old to lie to myself and call it honor.” (177)
Which is part of this theme:
Every one suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people that I have ever known. (59)
…
“You’re worth the whole damn bunch put together.”
I’ve always been glad I said that. It was the only compliment I ever gave him, because I disapproved of him from beginning to end. (154)
Put Gatsby on your list of 100 books to read five years from now. It’ll be worth it (again). I’m sure I’ll be picking up recommendations from all of you, too.
The oddest line for the contemporary reader is probably
-- intruding into one chamber where a disheveled man in pajamas was doing liver exercises on the floor. (91)
But Chapter IV, in which he describes the Long Island crowd, is filled with great nuggets as well. For example:
From East Egg, then, came the Chester Beckers and the Leeches, and a man named Bunsen, whom I knew in Yale, and Doctor Webster Civet, who was drowned last summer up in Maine. And the Hornbeams and the Willie Voltaires, and a whole clan named Blackbuck, who always gathered in a corner and flipped up their noses like goats at whosoever came near. And the Ismays and the Chrysties (or rather Hubert Auerbach and Mr. Chrystie’s wife), and Edgar Beaver, whose hair, they say, turned cotton-white one winter afternoon for no good reason at all. (61-2)
Great Gatsby
Did you remember that Tom and Daisy had a kid?
Pammy is her name. She’s three.
It’s odd, the things you notice when you reread a classic. I’m now convinced that the only reason the book is assigned to high school kids is its length. For example,
A) If I didn’t have kids of my own, I don’t think I’d have noticed the kid, since the Buchanans don’t seem to, either. I would have noticed Tom breaking his mistress’s nose for mentioning his wife, though. It, too, came as a surprise to me on the reread (am I really such an inattentive first-time reader?).
B) If I hadn’t moved to New York after living in Chicago and Minneapolis, some of the West vs. East would have been greeted with a “whatever.” Makes sense now, though.
C) If I hadn’t passed my thirtieth birthday a while ago, I would have rolled my eyes at this observation:
“I’m thirty,” I said. “I’m five years too old to lie to myself and call it honor.” (177)
Which is part of this theme:
Every one suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people that I have ever known. (59)
…
“You’re worth the whole damn bunch put together.”
I’ve always been glad I said that. It was the only compliment I ever gave him, because I disapproved of him from beginning to end. (154)
Put Gatsby on your list of 100 books to read five years from now. It’ll be worth it (again). I’m sure I’ll be picking up recommendations from all of you, too.
The oddest line for the contemporary reader is probably
-- intruding into one chamber where a disheveled man in pajamas was doing liver exercises on the floor. (91)
But Chapter IV, in which he describes the Long Island crowd, is filled with great nuggets as well. For example:
From East Egg, then, came the Chester Beckers and the Leeches, and a man named Bunsen, whom I knew in Yale, and Doctor Webster Civet, who was drowned last summer up in Maine. And the Hornbeams and the Willie Voltaires, and a whole clan named Blackbuck, who always gathered in a corner and flipped up their noses like goats at whosoever came near. And the Ismays and the Chrysties (or rather Hubert Auerbach and Mr. Chrystie’s wife), and Edgar Beaver, whose hair, they say, turned cotton-white one winter afternoon for no good reason at all. (61-2)
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Homework
I've signed up to a site where I can publicly catch up on stuff I've never read.
Here's my first bit, the assignment: http://fillinthegaps100.blogspot.com/2009/04/goedis-list.html
Here's my first bit, the assignment: http://fillinthegaps100.blogspot.com/2009/04/goedis-list.html
Speaking up
I just finished an intro level improv class. Fun stuff. And now I'll go off to level two. Yippee.
This weekend I went to see two shows, which made me notice something.
When I show up to my kids' classes (from pre-K to 4th grade so far), there are always kids who raise their hands before they have something to say. Inevitably, one of them gets called on because, let's face it, they are very skilled at raising their hands and going "ooh, ooh, pick me!"
Well, it turns out that this never stops.
At Friday's show, the cast was going to ask for
"PASSOVER!"
was going to ask for a suggestion of the place you're from.
"Oh. Israel."
And from then on, she had hardly anything to say. To her defense, she probably didn't know the English words for the stuff she did as a kid. Still.
At Saturday's show, the cast asked for something special that happened to someone in the audience.
"Ooh. Me! Me!"
"You over there."
"Whoooooo!"
"What happened to you?"
"Well, next week we're all going to get together and..."
I suggest that grammar school teachers crack down harder on kids who speak before they've listened to instructions. It only gets worse with age and alcohol.
This weekend I went to see two shows, which made me notice something.
When I show up to my kids' classes (from pre-K to 4th grade so far), there are always kids who raise their hands before they have something to say. Inevitably, one of them gets called on because, let's face it, they are very skilled at raising their hands and going "ooh, ooh, pick me!"
Well, it turns out that this never stops.
At Friday's show, the cast was going to ask for
"PASSOVER!"
was going to ask for a suggestion of the place you're from.
"Oh. Israel."
And from then on, she had hardly anything to say. To her defense, she probably didn't know the English words for the stuff she did as a kid. Still.
At Saturday's show, the cast asked for something special that happened to someone in the audience.
"Ooh. Me! Me!"
"You over there."
"Whoooooo!"
"What happened to you?"
"Well, next week we're all going to get together and..."
I suggest that grammar school teachers crack down harder on kids who speak before they've listened to instructions. It only gets worse with age and alcohol.
Monday, April 06, 2009
memories
Julie can attest to this.
When we were living in San Francisco (the second time), I needed to get new contacts and didn't have an opto- ophtho- opti- eye doctor. So I looked in the phone book and chose one based on his name: Thomas Chong.
He still sends me reminders to get my eyes checked even though he's been sending them to Brooklyn for two and a half years now.
And, no, it wasn't even remotely who I hoped for. But he did a good job. I can see fine.
When we were living in San Francisco (the second time), I needed to get new contacts and didn't have an opto- ophtho- opti- eye doctor. So I looked in the phone book and chose one based on his name: Thomas Chong.
He still sends me reminders to get my eyes checked even though he's been sending them to Brooklyn for two and a half years now.
And, no, it wasn't even remotely who I hoped for. But he did a good job. I can see fine.
gumballs
Because Coco has to take his getwellicillin for last week's strep throat, he gets to kill the icky taste with candy. He chose gumballs.
Now, our video store has a gumball machine, and they give out a free rental if you get a yellow gumball. However, we got our gumballs from a corner store. The packet contained two yellow ones and Coco didn't miss a beat.
"Let's save the yellow ones so we can get free rentals."
And no, I don't think it was meant as innocently as it reads. He intends to sneak them in and pretend we got them from the machine.
That's my boy.
(Madge, of course, is outraged at the idea.)
Now, our video store has a gumball machine, and they give out a free rental if you get a yellow gumball. However, we got our gumballs from a corner store. The packet contained two yellow ones and Coco didn't miss a beat.
"Let's save the yellow ones so we can get free rentals."
And no, I don't think it was meant as innocently as it reads. He intends to sneak them in and pretend we got them from the machine.
That's my boy.
(Madge, of course, is outraged at the idea.)
Thursday, April 02, 2009
confession
I wish I could say I wore out Miles Davis' Kind of Blue when I was a kid.
No.
This is the single I played over and over and over and ...
No.
This is the single I played over and over and over and ...
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
April Fools
At pickup today I overheard a dad tell his daughter that the mom had gone to Florida on business and they are going to pack up this afternoon to catch up with her and spend an extra wee there before spring break. She was ecstatic and jumped up and down until he said those magic words which deflated her and literally sat her on her butt on the ground.
Zing.
That doesn't compare, though, with Coco's April Fools. "Your eyebrows are tied. April Fools!"
Zing.
That doesn't compare, though, with Coco's April Fools. "Your eyebrows are tied. April Fools!"
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Cielito Lindo
As the family can attest, this song is my latest obsession. You'd think it's not the best bedtime song. Yet, if you repeat the same verse often enough, your child will pretend to be asleep just to end the torture. Try it.
Ay, ay, ay, ay... canta y no llores... porque cantando se alegran, Cielito Lindo, los corazones!
Ay, ay, ay, ay... canta y no llores... porque cantando se alegran, Cielito Lindo, los corazones!
Friday, March 27, 2009
nice day
sunshine is a wonderful thing, and now I'm getting excited about the cherry trees in the Brooklyn Botanic* Gardens. I just need to load up on eye-drops and I'm set to go.
click and enjoy and share your favorites if you want: http://bbg.org/exp/cherries/stages.html
*botanic/botanical? I figure the "al" is redundant unless there's a clear noun ending in "-ic." I.e., music/musical are two different things, but rhythmic/rhythmical both describe the same thing and unless you're making a poetic point about a waltz rhythm, you'd better shy away from the latter when I'm grading your paper.
click and enjoy and share your favorites if you want: http://bbg.org/exp/cherries/stages.html
*botanic/botanical? I figure the "al" is redundant unless there's a clear noun ending in "-ic." I.e., music/musical are two different things, but rhythmic/rhythmical both describe the same thing and unless you're making a poetic point about a waltz rhythm, you'd better shy away from the latter when I'm grading your paper.
Running Pal
He's built a chicken coop in his backyard and has ordered three pullets. One of 'em will be named Omelet. The others, he's not sure of yet, but probably Yolky and I fogot the other, but I'll suggest Shelley.
Today he mentioned that his wife isn't too excited about the chicken idea. This never occurred to me because I think it's awesome. (Apparently you can't have a rooster in Brooklyn, though, because of the noise. I smell a protesting cause culminating in the "Cocks for Brooklyn" walk-a-thon. I wonder who'd show up.)
Anyway, I told him to sell her on the idea by saying that other men, when they go through a crisis, gravitate to fast cars and metaphorical chicks. She should count her blessings. (Before they hatch. mwah, mwah)
Today he mentioned that his wife isn't too excited about the chicken idea. This never occurred to me because I think it's awesome. (Apparently you can't have a rooster in Brooklyn, though, because of the noise. I smell a protesting cause culminating in the "Cocks for Brooklyn" walk-a-thon. I wonder who'd show up.)
Anyway, I told him to sell her on the idea by saying that other men, when they go through a crisis, gravitate to fast cars and metaphorical chicks. She should count her blessings. (Before they hatch. mwah, mwah)
Thursday, March 26, 2009
NYC PS is anti-something?
Please pardon the repetition, but I figured I'd share here, too.
The kids' school has a "kindness quote" (I think it's "of the week" but am not sure). It's a quote that includes the power of kindness and a picture of the person quoted. Right now it's Anne Frank, and she is cited as "Author, The Diary of a Young Girl."
Now, here's a good reason to be a stickler for accuracy. Maybe she should be called "diarist." Or maybe she should have not titular appellation at all.
See, my point is that "author" implies that the whole thing is made up. And would that make the public school a holocaust denier?
Maybe the whole point of the kindness quote has passed me by.
The kids' school has a "kindness quote" (I think it's "of the week" but am not sure). It's a quote that includes the power of kindness and a picture of the person quoted. Right now it's Anne Frank, and she is cited as "Author, The Diary of a Young Girl."
Now, here's a good reason to be a stickler for accuracy. Maybe she should be called "diarist." Or maybe she should have not titular appellation at all.
See, my point is that "author" implies that the whole thing is made up. And would that make the public school a holocaust denier?
Maybe the whole point of the kindness quote has passed me by.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Coco Tuesday
In school yesterday he made his own laptop computer. He says it took him a really long time.
He stapled two pieces of paper together. One he made into a screen, on the outside of which he was sure to draw an apple (the circle with the stem in it) although we don't have a Mac. On the other he drew "two thousand" squares and put letters in them. He also has a touchpad, a power button, and two volume buttons. The game on the screen is Star Wars Clone Wars which has the special feature (for Madge) that you can choose several girl characters.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Madge Monday
Okay, so Coco wins in this one, but still.
It's my favorite kind of joke, and it was enacted before my eyes.
Coco was saying something about "When pigs fly" and I asked him where he heard it. He said Madge told him. Then I asked him what it meant and he said, "It means never, because pigs can't fly."
At this point Madge piped up with, "Yes, they can. On an airplane."
And before I could say anything, Coco came back with, "No, they can't. They don't have a suitcase."
It's my favorite kind of joke, and it was enacted before my eyes.
Coco was saying something about "When pigs fly" and I asked him where he heard it. He said Madge told him. Then I asked him what it meant and he said, "It means never, because pigs can't fly."
At this point Madge piped up with, "Yes, they can. On an airplane."
And before I could say anything, Coco came back with, "No, they can't. They don't have a suitcase."
Saturday, March 21, 2009
weird
Kid who is in fourth grade was at the playground and asked me the time.
Without any pleases or other manners, so it took me a while to answer. What took me a while was to decide whether or not to make her ask again. I decided against it and said, "Quarter to seven."
She asked, "What time is it?" again, and that was really pushing my patience. One of my many adult grumpinesses arises when someone asks me a question and then doesn't bother paying attention to the answer.
So I said, "I just told you the time. What did I just say?"
And she said, "Quarter to seven."
And I thought we were done. But her look told me that she didn't know what those words meant. And she said, "I need to know because I need to be home at six forty-five."
Now my next answer took me a really long time because that's the kind of joke I would make and I had to study her face carefully in order to determine whether she was joking or not.
So I asked a friend of hers, "What does 'quarter to seven' mean?" And, after thinking a while, he said, "Six fifteen?"
Oh.
Without any pleases or other manners, so it took me a while to answer. What took me a while was to decide whether or not to make her ask again. I decided against it and said, "Quarter to seven."
She asked, "What time is it?" again, and that was really pushing my patience. One of my many adult grumpinesses arises when someone asks me a question and then doesn't bother paying attention to the answer.
So I said, "I just told you the time. What did I just say?"
And she said, "Quarter to seven."
And I thought we were done. But her look told me that she didn't know what those words meant. And she said, "I need to know because I need to be home at six forty-five."
Now my next answer took me a really long time because that's the kind of joke I would make and I had to study her face carefully in order to determine whether she was joking or not.
So I asked a friend of hers, "What does 'quarter to seven' mean?" And, after thinking a while, he said, "Six fifteen?"
Oh.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
half-day
Don't know why they call it that. Selfish people. It's a double day for those of us entertaining the kids once they get out. They're not even properly exhausted or homeworked up.
Maybe chores is the solution. Come home and fold clothes, kids.
But then there's also the parent-teacher conferences. I still can't believe I'm on the parent side of this equation. Which reminds me, I still need to sign some report cards.
Maybe chores is the solution. Come home and fold clothes, kids.
But then there's also the parent-teacher conferences. I still can't believe I'm on the parent side of this equation. Which reminds me, I still need to sign some report cards.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Coco Tuesday
He's definitely into a new stage of boyhood now. It's called "wear the same pants all the time and don't take a bath."
Luckily, the pants a disintegrating on their own. More wearing means more washing and more washing means thinner and thinner fabric and soon - poof - his legs (and maybe more) will be exposed.
The bath thing though, phew, that's taking some cajoling.
Luckily, the pants a disintegrating on their own. More wearing means more washing and more washing means thinner and thinner fabric and soon - poof - his legs (and maybe more) will be exposed.
The bath thing though, phew, that's taking some cajoling.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Madge Monday
In the last two weeks, Madge has lost her lunchbox twice and a sweater once. I think the warmer weather is to blame because she's more eager to go outside (and once there, to take off the sweater).
I found the lunchbox in the lost and found bins and the sweater was returned by a teacher.
But here's what I'm thinking. Next time she loses one of these things, I'm making her dig for them herself or I'm just replacing them.
It appears that the most frequently misplaced item is a lunchbox, and a lost lunchbox invariably contains leftovers, which do not improve over time. In other words, between the rancid food and musty clothes, the lost and found bins are a masochist's delight.
I found the lunchbox in the lost and found bins and the sweater was returned by a teacher.
But here's what I'm thinking. Next time she loses one of these things, I'm making her dig for them herself or I'm just replacing them.
It appears that the most frequently misplaced item is a lunchbox, and a lost lunchbox invariably contains leftovers, which do not improve over time. In other words, between the rancid food and musty clothes, the lost and found bins are a masochist's delight.
Friday, March 13, 2009
yikes
Went to Madge's class today where we got to read their "realistic fiction" projects.
There were autobiographical elements everywhere. The sweaty kid wrote about a kid breaking out in sweat. The kid with matching clothes wrote about a kid whose clothes always match. The absent-minded kid wrote about a kid who freaked out because he didn't know that the test he was taking was only practice, not the real thing.
Madge wrote about parents who fight about the weirdest things. Sample dialogue:
"You forgot to feed the pigs!"
"We don't have any pigs!"
And, yes, I've already asked if she thinks we fight a lot. She says no. Hm.
There were autobiographical elements everywhere. The sweaty kid wrote about a kid breaking out in sweat. The kid with matching clothes wrote about a kid whose clothes always match. The absent-minded kid wrote about a kid who freaked out because he didn't know that the test he was taking was only practice, not the real thing.
Madge wrote about parents who fight about the weirdest things. Sample dialogue:
"You forgot to feed the pigs!"
"We don't have any pigs!"
And, yes, I've already asked if she thinks we fight a lot. She says no. Hm.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
album art
too cool. there are obviously more arty ones here, http://b3ta.com/challenge/album_art/, but this one is dear to my heart.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Coco Tuesday
He can be quite articulate.
He had a playdate over who was ignoring everything while on the DS. Coco wanted him to stop so I said, Why don't you just ask him? And Coco said, to his friend,
"Will you stop? Because friends are better than games."
And his friend shut the game.
Voila. The power of words.
He had a playdate over who was ignoring everything while on the DS. Coco wanted him to stop so I said, Why don't you just ask him? And Coco said, to his friend,
"Will you stop? Because friends are better than games."
And his friend shut the game.
Voila. The power of words.
Monday, March 09, 2009
Madge Monday
Our Twilight reading is almost done,
so she's starting to choose another one.
I'm sure I'll be done with teen vampires
so I'm starting to stoke other desires.
On our shelves there is quite a crowd
just asking to be read aloud.
But I think I'm starting narrow my view
to Wodehouse, Chandler, or Catch-22.
For a Chandler read-aloud I've got quite an itch,
but I'm not quite sure of a proper sales pitch.
so she's starting to choose another one.
I'm sure I'll be done with teen vampires
so I'm starting to stoke other desires.
On our shelves there is quite a crowd
just asking to be read aloud.
But I think I'm starting narrow my view
to Wodehouse, Chandler, or Catch-22.
For a Chandler read-aloud I've got quite an itch,
but I'm not quite sure of a proper sales pitch.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
hair
Busy, chaotic afternoon.
I had said yes to a playdate, but had forgotten that we had haircuts scheduled, so the playdate came along. He was a good sport about it.
Madge is direct, makes room for no doubt,
"I want shorter bangs, but I'm growing it out."
Coco's directions were not quite as clear.
But one thing was certain, "Short 'round the ears."
And one more detail that is dear to his heart
The perfected pert placement of Peter Parker's part.
I had said yes to a playdate, but had forgotten that we had haircuts scheduled, so the playdate came along. He was a good sport about it.
Madge is direct, makes room for no doubt,
"I want shorter bangs, but I'm growing it out."
Coco's directions were not quite as clear.
But one thing was certain, "Short 'round the ears."
And one more detail that is dear to his heart
The perfected pert placement of Peter Parker's part.
hunh, now what?
We went to the neurologist today and she said we don't need to come back to check in with her unless there's another "incident," as she calls it.
This is good news of course, but she is a doctor he actually doesn't mind going to. Though he's still freaked out about going, just not as much as the "shot doctor" (his term).
Our Doc,
not a quack,
gave a shock.
Said, "Don't come back."
This is good news of course, but she is a doctor he actually doesn't mind going to. Though he's still freaked out about going, just not as much as the "shot doctor" (his term).
Our Doc,
not a quack,
gave a shock.
Said, "Don't come back."
Thanks, Dr. LJ!
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Coco Tuesday
Aha! On a Tuesday, no less. I know you're impressed.
He's been full of gems lately. As you may have guessed, we call him Coco. In his previous school there was a kid who pronounced his name "Cornrad" and we reminded Coco of this, recently.
To which he replied: "I'm not a piece of corn. I'm a piece of hot chocolate!"
I think this is only second place to his comment on the history of our neighborhood.
On the way to school he complained about the incline. Well, I think he said hill, but I'm sure incline just slipped his mind at the moment. I think his question was:
"Daddy, why did they build these big hills?"
And I said, "The hills were already here,
all the stuff you see was just put on top.
Grass and trees would grow a fresh crop
if all the buildings were to disappear.
Long ago only greenery was to be found."
And he said, "You mean when the money people were around?"
I found this comment queer
so I had to stop
and let my jaw drop.
After some questions it became clear:
He meant the time of the people who adorn our bills.
He's been full of gems lately. As you may have guessed, we call him Coco. In his previous school there was a kid who pronounced his name "Cornrad" and we reminded Coco of this, recently.
To which he replied: "I'm not a piece of corn. I'm a piece of hot chocolate!"
I think this is only second place to his comment on the history of our neighborhood.
On the way to school he complained about the incline. Well, I think he said hill, but I'm sure incline just slipped his mind at the moment. I think his question was:
"Daddy, why did they build these big hills?"
And I said, "The hills were already here,
all the stuff you see was just put on top.
Grass and trees would grow a fresh crop
if all the buildings were to disappear.
Long ago only greenery was to be found."
And he said, "You mean when the money people were around?"
I found this comment queer
so I had to stop
and let my jaw drop.
After some questions it became clear:
He meant the time of the people who adorn our bills.
Monday, March 02, 2009
Madge Monday
snow dehh...
Our first, and of course we didn't know what to do with ourselves. We went out twice, but for some reason we didn't feel up to going sledding so we just played in the powdery snow at the playground.
If today had happened two or three months ago, we would have been ecstatic, I think.
Now that spring is almost here and winter ought to be gone,
a snow day produces nothing but an impatient yawn.
On a more Madge-specific note, the day started out badly, with a cranky outburst about sharing starburst and the DS and getting ready for school. Yes, getting ready for school; we were slow on the uptake regarding the snow day. But the fresh air cleared her mind.
And when she realized how she had behaved, she asked to call Mommy at work and leave a message to say she was sorry.
I hope she will be able to do that when she's older, too.
Our first, and of course we didn't know what to do with ourselves. We went out twice, but for some reason we didn't feel up to going sledding so we just played in the powdery snow at the playground.
If today had happened two or three months ago, we would have been ecstatic, I think.
Now that spring is almost here and winter ought to be gone,
a snow day produces nothing but an impatient yawn.
On a more Madge-specific note, the day started out badly, with a cranky outburst about sharing starburst and the DS and getting ready for school. Yes, getting ready for school; we were slow on the uptake regarding the snow day. But the fresh air cleared her mind.
And when she realized how she had behaved, she asked to call Mommy at work and leave a message to say she was sorry.
I hope she will be able to do that when she's older, too.
Friday, February 27, 2009
dream time
A couple nights ago, it seems,
I was mean to my wife in her dreams.
This isn't something to be poo-pooed
since it's a reality she's liminally subdooed.
Of course I'm glad she still dreams about me,
but not if those dreams lead her to doubt me.
So maybe, before I take a nap and try to work my psychic powers,
I'll change the sheets and give her a pillowcase with flowers.
I was mean to my wife in her dreams.
This isn't something to be poo-pooed
since it's a reality she's liminally subdooed.
Of course I'm glad she still dreams about me,
but not if those dreams lead her to doubt me.
So maybe, before I take a nap and try to work my psychic powers,
I'll change the sheets and give her a pillowcase with flowers.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
behind again
The rhyming is making the posts late.
A quick update:
Tomorrow Madge and I skate,
and the doctor attempts to vaccinate
Coco. Great.
A quick update:
Tomorrow Madge and I skate,
and the doctor attempts to vaccinate
Coco. Great.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Madge Monday
Reading to her is nice. Lately she wants to read in our bed and she snuggles close. Aah.
And Twilight is getting more interesting, which is helpful, too. Though it is a difficult read-aloud for me because the narrator is female and I don't think I have an appropriately silky Edward voice. Oh, well. And then, of course, there are the very cute giggles emanating from Madge when there are awkward boy-girl interactions.
Also:
At one point Bella feels bad
for her fumbling lunk of a dad.
The poor guy seems to worry
and stay up too late
whether she's out in a hurry
or without any date.
It seems that a teen's dad has no way to win
'cuz it's bad when she's out
but worse when she's in.
And Twilight is getting more interesting, which is helpful, too. Though it is a difficult read-aloud for me because the narrator is female and I don't think I have an appropriately silky Edward voice. Oh, well. And then, of course, there are the very cute giggles emanating from Madge when there are awkward boy-girl interactions.
Also:
At one point Bella feels bad
for her fumbling lunk of a dad.
The poor guy seems to worry
and stay up too late
whether she's out in a hurry
or without any date.
It seems that a teen's dad has no way to win
'cuz it's bad when she's out
but worse when she's in.
Friday, February 20, 2009
An attempt
I'll pick a line from a book and weave it into something. The only problem is to make the line random or at least random-ish. I'll open the book (Andrew Marvell, Complete Poems) and point.
We'll see...
(Dramatic, isn't it? This is real-time stuff.)
... "And the green grass, and their known mangers hate,"
Pretty good so far, especially because I'm not looking at the context, as much as I'd like to because it's not making too much sense.
Here goes:
Two sheep, let's call them Thelma and Louise,
grow increasingly difficult to please.
They longingly gaze past the garden gate,
And the green grass, and their known mangers hate.
But soon, for the first time since they were born,
they wander out, bravely to a new morn
and get shorn.
We'll see...
(Dramatic, isn't it? This is real-time stuff.)
... "And the green grass, and their known mangers hate,"
Pretty good so far, especially because I'm not looking at the context, as much as I'd like to because it's not making too much sense.
Here goes:
Two sheep, let's call them Thelma and Louise,
grow increasingly difficult to please.
They longingly gaze past the garden gate,
And the green grass, and their known mangers hate.
But soon, for the first time since they were born,
they wander out, bravely to a new morn
and get shorn.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
A country song of sorts
Ambidextrous
They said that she is one of a kind.
That dancer's sure to blow my mind.
Though a gentleman's club, it was unrefined.
And I sat right up front to see her left behind.
At first we merely wined and dined.
Then I proposed a legal bind.
It was really too much of a grind.
To sit right up front to see her left behind.
We'd be right together, not left alone.
I'd be right over for her left overs.
I'd be right in not to be left out.
Right on!
We'd pick it up where we left off.
Without much thought she just declined.
To merely watch I was resigned
Then I saw her fooled by one of her kind.
And I sat right up front to see her left behind.
They said that she is one of a kind.
That dancer's sure to blow my mind.
Though a gentleman's club, it was unrefined.
And I sat right up front to see her left behind.
At first we merely wined and dined.
Then I proposed a legal bind.
It was really too much of a grind.
To sit right up front to see her left behind.
We'd be right together, not left alone.
I'd be right over for her left overs.
I'd be right in not to be left out.
Right on!
We'd pick it up where we left off.
Without much thought she just declined.
To merely watch I was resigned
Then I saw her fooled by one of her kind.
And I sat right up front to see her left behind.
lazy post
But, hey, rewarding for you.
This is - so far - my favorite Martin and Lewis sketch ever.
Stick with it and see if you don't laugh out loud, even if you're alone.
This is - so far - my favorite Martin and Lewis sketch ever.
Stick with it and see if you don't laugh out loud, even if you're alone.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Coco Tuesday
Eager Auntie
(Based, unfortunately, on a true story)
(But exaggerated for effect, so don't worry)
Relatives, be on your guard,
the learning process can be hard.
Playground antics need good pacing.
If you're too frenetic
you won't be energetic
for Batman and Monster and Racing.
And you'll lie in a hastily self-made bed
with bruised leg, twisted neck, and bumped head.
(Based, unfortunately, on a true story)
(But exaggerated for effect, so don't worry)
Relatives, be on your guard,
the learning process can be hard.
Playground antics need good pacing.
If you're too frenetic
you won't be energetic
for Batman and Monster and Racing.
And you'll lie in a hastily self-made bed
with bruised leg, twisted neck, and bumped head.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Madge Monday
Oooh, I was slacking last week. Sorry. Tired.
This week the kids have vacation, which is just a lame way of saying it might not be better on my end, but we'll see.
But for Madge today, I don't know yet. How about:
-Mmmmm, Edward.
-Oooooh, Bella.
Twilight is a book I didn't want to read,
no matter how much my girl would plead.
And yet she got me, oh, she's devious (and I'm proud).
She tricked me by making it our read-aloud.
I keep telling her it's not by choice
(when I read how
his looks are perfect
his voice is musical
his eyes are flashing)
that there's a hint of eye-rolling in my voice.
And sometimes she can hear the chair wriggle
as I am suppressing a giggle.
This week the kids have vacation, which is just a lame way of saying it might not be better on my end, but we'll see.
But for Madge today, I don't know yet. How about:
-Mmmmm, Edward.
-Oooooh, Bella.
Twilight is a book I didn't want to read,
no matter how much my girl would plead.
And yet she got me, oh, she's devious (and I'm proud).
She tricked me by making it our read-aloud.
I keep telling her it's not by choice
(when I read how
his looks are perfect
his voice is musical
his eyes are flashing)
that there's a hint of eye-rolling in my voice.
And sometimes she can hear the chair wriggle
as I am suppressing a giggle.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Coco Tuesday
A day late, granted, but I'm now busier on Tuesday nights, so that's how it'll be, I guess.
Today, Wednesday, was the 100th day of school.
They've been in school 100 days.
Today they count 100 ways.
By ones, by twos, by fives, by tens;
all the way up
and back again.
Their counting's loud and energetic.
For one the counting was emetic.
Perhaps for him it did recall
the beers that once were on the wall
and through some quite precocious thinking
he projectiled ahead
to nights of drinking.
Today, Wednesday, was the 100th day of school.
They've been in school 100 days.
Today they count 100 ways.
By ones, by twos, by fives, by tens;
all the way up
and back again.
Their counting's loud and energetic.
For one the counting was emetic.
Perhaps for him it did recall
the beers that once were on the wall
and through some quite precocious thinking
he projectiled ahead
to nights of drinking.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Madge Monday
Dear Cast and Crew of Whatever Was Filming At Our Playground
I don't know what to say.
I apologize.
I didn't realize
- though it made my daughter's day -
that I was walking through your shot.
Two young moms I did pass on my way.
Boy, was I suprised
when I realized
- as I politely wished them good day -
that they were real but their babies were not.
Did I ruin your teleplay?
Well, as you revise
and maybe curse my eyes
as you cut me in your editing bay,
well, anyway
Please send me whatever you got.
I don't know what to say.
I apologize.
I didn't realize
- though it made my daughter's day -
that I was walking through your shot.
Two young moms I did pass on my way.
Boy, was I suprised
when I realized
- as I politely wished them good day -
that they were real but their babies were not.
Did I ruin your teleplay?
Well, as you revise
and maybe curse my eyes
as you cut me in your editing bay,
well, anyway
Please send me whatever you got.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
My new baby
I was encouraged to adopt a word at www.savethewords.org .
You might want to do the same, I don't know. I got a certificate in my inbox and now I have a word to cherish and nurture. But be warned, you don't get a shiny new word that's all cute and cuddly, you get an aging, retired word. It's more like a make-a-wish foundation thing for words on their way out.
Luckily I got one with a bit of fighting spirit left in it, if only in a metaphorical application. I think we can do this.
My new old word, which I'd like to call George but can't, is: yelve. It looks like a verb, but don't say that to its face. It's a noun and has always been. It's a dung-fork. How exactly it is different from a pitch-fork I'm not sure and it won't tell me.
When someone spreads opinions he or she ought to shelve,
in other words bullshit enough for twelve,
you say, "Hang on, let me get my yelve."
You might want to do the same, I don't know. I got a certificate in my inbox and now I have a word to cherish and nurture. But be warned, you don't get a shiny new word that's all cute and cuddly, you get an aging, retired word. It's more like a make-a-wish foundation thing for words on their way out.
Luckily I got one with a bit of fighting spirit left in it, if only in a metaphorical application. I think we can do this.
My new old word, which I'd like to call George but can't, is: yelve. It looks like a verb, but don't say that to its face. It's a noun and has always been. It's a dung-fork. How exactly it is different from a pitch-fork I'm not sure and it won't tell me.
When someone spreads opinions he or she ought to shelve,
in other words bullshit enough for twelve,
you say, "Hang on, let me get my yelve."
Educational Typo
Sometimes, when I'm trying to find rhymes, I start typing words that might or might not work, and I let WordPerfect be the arbiter. I was trying to see if it would accept "chinny" as a word - we all know what it means, after all: it's the diminutive of chin, just as skinny is the diminutive of skin. Wait.
Anyway, my finger neglected to depress the "C" and I typed hinny. But it didn't get a red underline, so I looked it up.
Apparently, it's the other thing you can get when you cross a horse with a donkey.
If you really want to know, here is the rule:
Female horse, male donkey, that's a mule.
When a female donkey makes a male horse whinny,
the end result of that tryst is a hinny.
I read on, I'm no fool,
I know you, too, are puerile.
Just one - the entry "mule" -
includes the fateful: sterile.
(Hinny also doesn't seem to have the connotation of being stubborn. Coincidence?)
Anyway, my finger neglected to depress the "C" and I typed hinny. But it didn't get a red underline, so I looked it up.
Apparently, it's the other thing you can get when you cross a horse with a donkey.
If you really want to know, here is the rule:
Female horse, male donkey, that's a mule.
When a female donkey makes a male horse whinny,
the end result of that tryst is a hinny.
I read on, I'm no fool,
I know you, too, are puerile.
Just one - the entry "mule" -
includes the fateful: sterile.
(Hinny also doesn't seem to have the connotation of being stubborn. Coincidence?)
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Coco Tuesday
It's so easy to fall behind when the kids stay home.
As we stay home all day,
listless, uninspired,
I keep the meds away.
It only makes them wired.
I've kept their crazy moods at bay,
I brought them lunches on a tray,
I bring DS games, let them play,
while, reading, on the couch I lay.
Hey,
("lie" doesn't rhyme, what can I say?)
Why am I so tired?
As we stay home all day,
listless, uninspired,
I keep the meds away.
It only makes them wired.
I've kept their crazy moods at bay,
I brought them lunches on a tray,
I bring DS games, let them play,
while, reading, on the couch I lay.
Hey,
("lie" doesn't rhyme, what can I say?)
Why am I so tired?
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Great Stuff
What, no poem? No, probably not.
A wonderful link is all I have.
http://niemann.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/02/i-lego-ny/?em
A wonderful link is all I have.
http://niemann.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/02/02/i-lego-ny/?em
Monday, February 02, 2009
Graham Greene would be proud
Maybe. Anyway, this is a true story, as you can verify by searching for the names or places I mention.
An incarcerated middle-aged spy,
Harold James ("Jim") Nicholson,
was aided by a younger guy,
Nathaniel, his trusting un-fickle son.
Jim was jailed, so he had pre-percussions
of selling state secrets to Russians.
But though the bloke was stuck in jail
he had more secrets for sale.
So he said to his son,
"Let's sell every one."
And so poor young Nathaniel
was sent out like a Spaniel.
The part of the tale that made my day:
they met at a Cypriot T.G.I. Friday.
Okay, so it's lacking a struggle with Catholicism and an inability to form human attachments, but I still think Greene might have appreciated the mundaneness and seeming anachronism of the whole thing.
Also, if I were a limerick writer, I'd be sweating over the lovely initial line:
At a TGI Friday in Cyprus.
But luckily it's Monday, so I'm not one.
An incarcerated middle-aged spy,
Harold James ("Jim") Nicholson,
was aided by a younger guy,
Nathaniel, his trusting un-fickle son.
Jim was jailed, so he had pre-percussions
of selling state secrets to Russians.
But though the bloke was stuck in jail
he had more secrets for sale.
So he said to his son,
"Let's sell every one."
And so poor young Nathaniel
was sent out like a Spaniel.
The part of the tale that made my day:
they met at a Cypriot T.G.I. Friday.
Okay, so it's lacking a struggle with Catholicism and an inability to form human attachments, but I still think Greene might have appreciated the mundaneness and seeming anachronism of the whole thing.
Also, if I were a limerick writer, I'd be sweating over the lovely initial line:
At a TGI Friday in Cyprus.
But luckily it's Monday, so I'm not one.
Madge Monday
Not the most thrilling day. Coco was sick with a fever, Madge was sick without one, so I figured I'd make my life easier and just keep both at home.
Only a seasoned deceiver
will take time to make a fake fever.
Since I like to believe what I'm told,
she stayed home with merely a cold.
Only a seasoned deceiver
will take time to make a fake fever.
Since I like to believe what I'm told,
she stayed home with merely a cold.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Escutcheon Me
Do you know what escutcheon means?
I know I get sidetracked by these words I read, but I figure at some time I should actually learn them rather than saying to myself, "Eh, it doesn't really matter."
Context will tell you it's a sign or insignia or some such. And so it is.
The template on a lightswitch
(ornamental, of course)
and the name plate on a ship's aft
(engaved there by force),
They, too, are bravely clutchin'
to the word "escutcheon."
Sorry about that.
But it's a set-up I had to put you through
to connect "escutcheon" to both "QE2"
and "Baby Phat."
I know I get sidetracked by these words I read, but I figure at some time I should actually learn them rather than saying to myself, "Eh, it doesn't really matter."
Context will tell you it's a sign or insignia or some such. And so it is.
The template on a lightswitch
(ornamental, of course)
and the name plate on a ship's aft
(engaved there by force),
They, too, are bravely clutchin'
to the word "escutcheon."
Sorry about that.
But it's a set-up I had to put you through
to connect "escutcheon" to both "QE2"
and "Baby Phat."
Special Lunch
As a reward for working my Coop shift, I sometimes go out to lunch on the way home.
Today was one of those sometimes.
A Special Lunch
Tomato-onion soup is okay for the group.
But I, the leader-type
eat tripe.
Some pear cake for dessert really cannot hurt.
But it pales against the hype
of tripe.
Yes tripe, tripe soaked in wine,
drenched in garlic so divine.
Tripe, wait, are you cow or swine?
Yes tripe, tripe as they dine
underneath the Tuscan pine
Tripe, now I am truly thine.
For now my lunch demands, "Hey, belly, please expand."
What's that? What smells so ripe?
Oh. Tripe.
Yes tripe, tripe soaked in etc.
Today was one of those sometimes.
A Special Lunch
Tomato-onion soup is okay for the group.
But I, the leader-type
eat tripe.
Some pear cake for dessert really cannot hurt.
But it pales against the hype
of tripe.
Yes tripe, tripe soaked in wine,
drenched in garlic so divine.
Tripe, wait, are you cow or swine?
Yes tripe, tripe as they dine
underneath the Tuscan pine
Tripe, now I am truly thine.
For now my lunch demands, "Hey, belly, please expand."
What's that? What smells so ripe?
Oh. Tripe.
Yes tripe, tripe soaked in etc.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Coco Tuesday
Today he had cupcakes in class, which we made and frosted yesterday. And when we left, well:
He had sugary treats where he usually has lessons
but the whole thing felt wrong in its essence.
"What?" he asked me, "No presents?"
He had sugary treats where he usually has lessons
but the whole thing felt wrong in its essence.
"What?" he asked me, "No presents?"
Updike
Two thoughts, not meant in an unfriendly way, regarding his sluffing off of the mortal coil.
What, only 76? The thought stretches belief.
So prolific, all slackers heave a sigh of relief.
What, only 76? The thought stretches belief.
So prolific, all slackers heave a sigh of relief.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Madge Monday
Today was/is Coco's birthday. Julie and I celebrated this weekend by watching all of Minority Report, a DVD we were watching when the contractions got too heavy to ignore, which meant that Julie didn't get to finish it until a few months later - and she never really paid that much attention to the beginning in the first place (can you imagine?). I hope I've meandered enough in that last sentence to detract from any inquiry as to when I finished watching the movie. Okay, it was the next day, but ssshhhh - I had to get stuff from home, didn't I? And get Madge to see her little brother - and eat mommy's hospital food.
Anyway, because his birthday happened on a Monday this year, she had the great and generous idea to give him his presents a day early so he could play with them at home without any time pressure. The winning argument for me was that it would be easier to get him to school today, which it was. Yay, Madge!
2009
The advancing age of our family members (other than the adults) demands
that our tracking of incremental temporal advancement expands.
They're no longer midgets
for Madge needs two digits
and Coco must use both his hands.
And daddy can't get limerick endings out of his mind, sorry.
I will try again.
That rhythm must be fixed:
two numbers spell out 10
and two hands spell out 6.
there
Anyway, because his birthday happened on a Monday this year, she had the great and generous idea to give him his presents a day early so he could play with them at home without any time pressure. The winning argument for me was that it would be easier to get him to school today, which it was. Yay, Madge!
2009
The advancing age of our family members (other than the adults) demands
that our tracking of incremental temporal advancement expands.
They're no longer midgets
for Madge needs two digits
and Coco must use both his hands.
And daddy can't get limerick endings out of his mind, sorry.
I will try again.
That rhythm must be fixed:
two numbers spell out 10
and two hands spell out 6.
there
Thursday, January 22, 2009
fudged pronunciation
I read some of 1,001 Nights to Madge a while ago, maybe 43 nights' worth. Tonight I ran across one of its pesky words again, in a different context, and I realized that I never really learned how to pronounce it correctly. I finally looked it up; of course I couldn't get a single, easy answer.
Divan
From Turkish and Persian the word is derivin'
and yet there's no harm in faux-southern-style, "DIE-ven."
Yet you might assay mid-Atlantic elan
and try to pronounce it "di-VAN" or "di-VAHN."
And though I researched it, I'll still be a slouch.
I'll just say Couch.
Divan
From Turkish and Persian the word is derivin'
and yet there's no harm in faux-southern-style, "DIE-ven."
Yet you might assay mid-Atlantic elan
and try to pronounce it "di-VAN" or "di-VAHN."
And though I researched it, I'll still be a slouch.
I'll just say Couch.
Relativity
Considering how good my chocolate-chip cookies taste,
I have a wasp-like (even WASP-ish) waist.
I have a wasp-like (even WASP-ish) waist.
the speech
Lovely speech, really, which is why my quibbles are minor. First: you know there's no pleasing religions, so why even try?
I think he said something like (meaning: I looked it up but am pretending that I just happened to remember it correctly after one hearing): "We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers."
That's just a big can of worms, isn't it? Sure, he included Hindus, but why did they get grouped with Jews? And why do the Muslims get to ride shotgun while the others get the back seat and those of us who'd like some evidence sit in the rumble-seat? First I thought the order might be reverse historical, since it seems that Hindus were around first, then Jews, but that gets the Muslims and Christians reversed. Then I figured it might be by numbers since Muslims probably outnumber Jews here as they do worldwide (I don't know). But if it were really representational of the U.S., it should probably be "We are a nation of [and here the joke would be funnier if I knew all the different brands, so let's just say:] Baptists and Anabaptists and Protobaptists and Pre-opbaptists and Post-recoverybaptists and Episcopalians and Counterpostantineoreformipalians and ... "
Most truthfully, though, from the point of view of any one of the religions, it ought to be "We are nation of true belivers, false believers, and non-believers." That should cover them all.
And my other quibble is with the line, "we will work tirelessly to [...] roll back the specter of a warming planet."
What kind of a novice psychic attempts to roll a specter? We all know specters need to be sucked up with proton packs.
I think he said something like (meaning: I looked it up but am pretending that I just happened to remember it correctly after one hearing): "We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers."
That's just a big can of worms, isn't it? Sure, he included Hindus, but why did they get grouped with Jews? And why do the Muslims get to ride shotgun while the others get the back seat and those of us who'd like some evidence sit in the rumble-seat? First I thought the order might be reverse historical, since it seems that Hindus were around first, then Jews, but that gets the Muslims and Christians reversed. Then I figured it might be by numbers since Muslims probably outnumber Jews here as they do worldwide (I don't know). But if it were really representational of the U.S., it should probably be "We are a nation of [and here the joke would be funnier if I knew all the different brands, so let's just say:] Baptists and Anabaptists and Protobaptists and Pre-opbaptists and Post-recoverybaptists and Episcopalians and Counterpostantineoreformipalians and ... "
Most truthfully, though, from the point of view of any one of the religions, it ought to be "We are nation of true belivers, false believers, and non-believers." That should cover them all.
And my other quibble is with the line, "we will work tirelessly to [...] roll back the specter of a warming planet."
What kind of a novice psychic attempts to roll a specter? We all know specters need to be sucked up with proton packs.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Coco Tuesday
The day was spent inaugurally. The kids' school showed the inauguration more or less live. But, thanks to the educational funding (perhaps even that of previous administrations), the AV didn't really work and they could only hear, not see.
In either case, the Kindergarteners weren't invited, so I joined the class and walked with them to a classmembers' house so we could all watch there. The attention span of five- and six-year-olds is better than mine, though, so, in order to keep things lively, I kept raising my hand to ask if I could go to the bathroom. Nah, actually the whole thing went rather smoothly, but we did wind up leaving before Obama's speech ended. I guess I'll read it later.
The kids were great
and picked up on the cheering.
They couldn't wait,
"When is Barack appearing?"
Then he'd orate
and boredom was appearing.
But then, "Hey, wait!
Why are our parents tearing?"
Good *sniff* night
In either case, the Kindergarteners weren't invited, so I joined the class and walked with them to a classmembers' house so we could all watch there. The attention span of five- and six-year-olds is better than mine, though, so, in order to keep things lively, I kept raising my hand to ask if I could go to the bathroom. Nah, actually the whole thing went rather smoothly, but we did wind up leaving before Obama's speech ended. I guess I'll read it later.
The kids were great
and picked up on the cheering.
They couldn't wait,
"When is Barack appearing?"
Then he'd orate
and boredom was appearing.
But then, "Hey, wait!
Why are our parents tearing?"
Good *sniff* night
Monday, January 19, 2009
Madge Monday
Our previous two winters here have lowered our snow expectation bar considerably (from the Chicago and Minneapolis standards we had temporarily suspended in the Bay Area), so we were completely excited about the half-inch or so we got today. I say “we” but today was a day off, so it was a bit difficult to drag Madge away from her newfound vampire romance and out of doors. It helped that she ran out of books in the series – the fourth installment arrived later this evening. But I finally got her outside and we had a blast.
And, honestly, among the many cute things you get to see in kids, the flushed exhausted look they have when coming home from a fun outdoor activity in the cold is wonderful, especially because I had some hot chocolate at the ready.
One of the selfishly fun things you do as dad
Is think ahead about how the then grown kids
Will think back on all the fun they had.
But will they remember all the things I did to please –
Like ruining my coat to make a muddy snow angel and patiently assisting snowball manufacture only to be the target and going up and down and up and down and up and down the hill and dragging the two of them in the sled even though people had already salted the sidewalks and I had to lunge across grating asphalt so it may as well have been summer for all the sweat that poured out of me –
Or will they say, “Remember that time Daddy let our toes freeze?”
And, honestly, among the many cute things you get to see in kids, the flushed exhausted look they have when coming home from a fun outdoor activity in the cold is wonderful, especially because I had some hot chocolate at the ready.
One of the selfishly fun things you do as dad
Is think ahead about how the then grown kids
Will think back on all the fun they had.
But will they remember all the things I did to please –
Like ruining my coat to make a muddy snow angel and patiently assisting snowball manufacture only to be the target and going up and down and up and down and up and down the hill and dragging the two of them in the sled even though people had already salted the sidewalks and I had to lunge across grating asphalt so it may as well have been summer for all the sweat that poured out of me –
Or will they say, “Remember that time Daddy let our toes freeze?”
Friday, January 16, 2009
Da Plane! Da Plane!
Admit it. If you’re anything like me, you’re kind of jealous of the people on the airplane that watered* in the Hudson. (*I’m not sure “landed” is the proper term, and water-landing seems oxymoronic.) I mean, the event covered several things I’ve always been curious about.
Why I Envy Passengers On (And Now Off) US Airways Flight 1549
(or, Welcome to Fantasy Island)
(First off, before you all call me depraved,
Let me state I’m glad all aboard were saved.)
My curiosity can’t be denied.
An engineless jet, does it drop or glide?
I know how a swim feels when it’s hotter,
But what’s it like in near-freezing water?
And while we’re on topics that cause shivers,
Just how nasty is the Hudson River?
And who among us doesn’t want to test
What it feels like to poof up a life vest?
And, reading seatback emergency cards,
Who hasn’t wanted to yank those doors hard?
And wouldn’t it be a great source of pride
To go, feet first, down th’inflatable slide?
(You know, I need to read over the news,
To see just how many removed their shoes.)
And, lastly, of all desert islands to choose,
I think with Manhattan you simply can’t lose.
Why I Envy Passengers On (And Now Off) US Airways Flight 1549
(or, Welcome to Fantasy Island)
(First off, before you all call me depraved,
Let me state I’m glad all aboard were saved.)
My curiosity can’t be denied.
An engineless jet, does it drop or glide?
I know how a swim feels when it’s hotter,
But what’s it like in near-freezing water?
And while we’re on topics that cause shivers,
Just how nasty is the Hudson River?
And who among us doesn’t want to test
What it feels like to poof up a life vest?
And, reading seatback emergency cards,
Who hasn’t wanted to yank those doors hard?
And wouldn’t it be a great source of pride
To go, feet first, down th’inflatable slide?
(You know, I need to read over the news,
To see just how many removed their shoes.)
And, lastly, of all desert islands to choose,
I think with Manhattan you simply can’t lose.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Yet another farewell to Bush
I just had the joy of looking through a book of Bushisms. On the one hand, his sayings could be good practice for my SAT writing class, such as “Is our children learning?” or “he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.”
On the other hand, they’re just infuriating. If her were a minor figure in a sitcom, they’d be amusing, maybe. But he was or will soon have been the President.
I once had an idea of collecting them with commentary and calling it
The Dubya Sutra: The Diamond-Hard Head of State Speaks
Some of his utterances, after all, have attributes of Zen koans in the sense that a mind tied to the ten thousand things of daily life can not get a grasp on them and therefore, by cracking our reliance on meaning and logic, we might achieve (or reach or whatever the non-word might be) satori.
For example:
A PUPIL asked BUSH: What is trustworthiness?
BUSH: Well, I think if you say you’re going to do something and you don’t, that’s trustworthiness. (8/30/00)
Commentary: If you think words and actions are linked, think again. Or, better yet, neither think nor act. Merely speak. The silent BUSH can’t finish his nap.
But that whole goofy idiot thing, whether an act or not, just gets too frustrating for me to confront without anti-depressants.
And then there’s also the incredibly rabid way in which his sayings get bandied about. It’s scary. I get the feeling he said them on purpose as a sort of lightning-rod to diffuse the more rational reaction of dethroning him and that, in raising our bile, he won that attempt. Or, in his way of saying things, he “catapulted the propaganda.”
I’m not sure I’d know how to distance myself from that bile. Maybe I’ll collect the sayings of our new President instead.
I’ll start with my favorite, which is: Click Here To Donate.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
gastropod
Went to the library today. I know, alert the media.
Not only that, but I got to be obnoxious by pointing out to the librarian that a book was not just misfiled, but mislabled because, clearly, a chess book would not have a 974 in the Dewey decimal system. That's for current events or US politics or wherever I was looking for a book of Bushisms ("is our children learning" etc.). It should be 794, by games and dance and those kinds of fun things. Man, I'm even annoying myself now.
But wait, this post gets better. I picked up Billy Collins' latest book of poems and found gastropod in it, a word he had to look up. Of course I had to look it up, too.
I'll save you the trouble. It's the kind of creature a snail is.
The reason I bring it up is that my copy of the Random House Webster's Dictionary has some rather poetic elements in the definition. All they need are the proper line breaks:
Snails, whelks, and slugs,
having a single shell, often
coiled, reduced, or undeveloped,
and moving by means of a
w i d e
muscular foot.
or even a slight alteration:
Poems, songs, and speeches,
having a singular idea often
coiled, reframed, and developed,
and moving by means of a
w i d e
muscular foot.
(In case you hadn't guessed, I love the idea of
MOving by MEANS of a MUScular FOOT,
since a foot, after all, a poetic unit of...
oh, jeez, there I go again, pointing out discrepancies in the Dewey decimal system)
Not only that, but I got to be obnoxious by pointing out to the librarian that a book was not just misfiled, but mislabled because, clearly, a chess book would not have a 974 in the Dewey decimal system. That's for current events or US politics or wherever I was looking for a book of Bushisms ("is our children learning" etc.). It should be 794, by games and dance and those kinds of fun things. Man, I'm even annoying myself now.
But wait, this post gets better. I picked up Billy Collins' latest book of poems and found gastropod in it, a word he had to look up. Of course I had to look it up, too.
I'll save you the trouble. It's the kind of creature a snail is.
The reason I bring it up is that my copy of the Random House Webster's Dictionary has some rather poetic elements in the definition. All they need are the proper line breaks:
Snails, whelks, and slugs,
having a single shell, often
coiled, reduced, or undeveloped,
and moving by means of a
w i d e
muscular foot.
or even a slight alteration:
Poems, songs, and speeches,
having a singular idea often
coiled, reframed, and developed,
and moving by means of a
w i d e
muscular foot.
(In case you hadn't guessed, I love the idea of
MOving by MEANS of a MUScular FOOT,
since a foot, after all, a poetic unit of...
oh, jeez, there I go again, pointing out discrepancies in the Dewey decimal system)
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Coco Tuesday
We stopped TaeKwonDo today. I had paid in advance for three months and told them to think about whether they want to keep going or not and, despite their apparent enthusiasm, they were both for stopping. The bad thing for me is that we missed the deadline for signing up for YMCA activities. Maybe I'll just have them do knuckle-push-ups every Tuesday and Thursday for about an hour while I do a crossword or something.
The teacher, with her student creed,
attempts to mold a loyal breed.
"Winners never quit."
Pushups, situps, jumping jacks,
iron legs and ramrod backs.
"Quitters never win."
She helped their will and body grow;
they stand up straight and loudly crow:
"I choose to be a winner."
(Just not in TaeKwonDo.)
The teacher, with her student creed,
attempts to mold a loyal breed.
"Winners never quit."
Pushups, situps, jumping jacks,
iron legs and ramrod backs.
"Quitters never win."
She helped their will and body grow;
they stand up straight and loudly crow:
"I choose to be a winner."
(Just not in TaeKwonDo.)
Monday, January 12, 2009
Madge Monday
Apparently the saga continues.
Julie went out to brunch with Madge and her friend - a girls' thing, while Coco and I went to a birthday outing to the Intrepid (an aircraft carrier that is now a museum of itself, sort of like a Las Vegas act). The brunch was at Two Boots, where one of the main attractions is that kids can see the kitchen and get lumps of pizza dough handed to them. And Madge, with her new-found what-is-my-body-and-how-does-it-work book knowledge...
My daughter used the pizza dough
to sculpt the body parts belough.
Her artist's "kenis"
knows no "fina"
than a pizza -
and -
Luckily an adult was there to censor the work-in-progress.
Julie went out to brunch with Madge and her friend - a girls' thing, while Coco and I went to a birthday outing to the Intrepid (an aircraft carrier that is now a museum of itself, sort of like a Las Vegas act). The brunch was at Two Boots, where one of the main attractions is that kids can see the kitchen and get lumps of pizza dough handed to them. And Madge, with her new-found what-is-my-body-and-how-does-it-work book knowledge...
My daughter used the pizza dough
to sculpt the body parts belough.
Her artist's "kenis"
knows no "fina"
than a pizza -
and -
Luckily an adult was there to censor the work-in-progress.
Friday, January 09, 2009
Whoooeee
I generally enjoy that our apartment is so, uh, compact. Cozy, that's the word I'm looking for.
But sometimes...
Since Madge is getting near ten and her body is beginning to develop, we got her some books and started telling her about things.
Us to doctor: When does a kid start needing deodorant? Is nine too young?
Doctor: No. Pre-puberty is anywhere from eight to ten.
When the smelling salts did their trick and I remembered what time zone we're in, we decided it was time for me to learn a little something about the female body; up to now I've been groping in the dark.
Metaphorically, of course.
Anyway, Madge is a good student. A friend of hers was over today on a playdate and Madge was sharing her knowldege.
And here is the result:
The same room is the last place where a father wants to be
when he hears his daughter saying,
"A period is when you bleed as you pee."
And the bedroom is the terminus of daddy's quiet stroll
when he hears his daughter whisper,
"And do you want to know what goes in that hole?"
But sometimes...
Since Madge is getting near ten and her body is beginning to develop, we got her some books and started telling her about things.
Us to doctor: When does a kid start needing deodorant? Is nine too young?
Doctor: No. Pre-puberty is anywhere from eight to ten.
When the smelling salts did their trick and I remembered what time zone we're in, we decided it was time for me to learn a little something about the female body; up to now I've been groping in the dark.
Metaphorically, of course.
Anyway, Madge is a good student. A friend of hers was over today on a playdate and Madge was sharing her knowldege.
And here is the result:
The same room is the last place where a father wants to be
when he hears his daughter saying,
"A period is when you bleed as you pee."
And the bedroom is the terminus of daddy's quiet stroll
when he hears his daughter whisper,
"And do you want to know what goes in that hole?"
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Will
Just so I stop thinking of this great line of Frank Sullivan's, I'll write it out of my system, I hope.
You ask What will I do tonight?
I have two kids, so play and fight,
twice each, with her and him.
I don't make plans, for if I did
they'd only change, because a kid
Rules with an iron whim.*
*the idea of the "whim of iron" is stolen from Sullivan.
I wanted to twist it so it would be borrowed, but I couldn't rhyme sensibly with "my will is too anemic"
and I didn't want to intoduce the idea of a will that's so scary it makes his heirs stand on end
You ask What will I do tonight?
I have two kids, so play and fight,
twice each, with her and him.
I don't make plans, for if I did
they'd only change, because a kid
Rules with an iron whim.*
*the idea of the "whim of iron" is stolen from Sullivan.
I wanted to twist it so it would be borrowed, but I couldn't rhyme sensibly with "my will is too anemic"
and I didn't want to intoduce the idea of a will that's so scary it makes his heirs stand on end
plinth
In case you didn't know, I tend to stay up late on Wednesdays and it makes me a little loopy by the time I turn off the laptop.
So here goes. When I was reading to Madge tonight I couldn't get over the way the word "plinth" felt in my mouth. Say it. See? (I also stumbled over the proper pronunciation of "brazier," but that's another issue.)
Anyway.
Plinth. The word: Plinth.
I wonder what I'll do with it
And how impressed you'll be
When I do get through with it.
I tried to make it rhyme....
What a plinthing waste of time.
Since rhyming is too hard
--
I gave it some more thought
and this is what I got.
The Romans and the Greeks
were architectural freaks.
They thought frolicsome fun was bad
so any happy free space they had,
they went and made it solemn
by planting endless columns.
That's why they say:
(now please forgive me, it's very late in the day)
--
"Give them a plinth, they take a yard."
Okay, I concur.
As puns go, that one's dumb.
So, would you prefer
"Someday my plinth will cumb"?
So here goes. When I was reading to Madge tonight I couldn't get over the way the word "plinth" felt in my mouth. Say it. See? (I also stumbled over the proper pronunciation of "brazier," but that's another issue.)
Anyway.
Plinth. The word: Plinth.
I wonder what I'll do with it
And how impressed you'll be
When I do get through with it.
I tried to make it rhyme....
What a plinthing waste of time.
Since rhyming is too hard
--
I gave it some more thought
and this is what I got.
The Romans and the Greeks
were architectural freaks.
They thought frolicsome fun was bad
so any happy free space they had,
they went and made it solemn
by planting endless columns.
That's why they say:
(now please forgive me, it's very late in the day)
--
"Give them a plinth, they take a yard."
Okay, I concur.
As puns go, that one's dumb.
So, would you prefer
"Someday my plinth will cumb"?
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Coco Tuesday
Coco loves going to school and said today that he wants to sleep there, too. I asked how and he said he'd bring a sleeping bag.
But unfortunately the new DS - darn that Santa, who tends to bring the toys which we, the parents, frown upon - is making him a bit of an irritable zombie when he's not in school.
My five-year-old acts like a teen:
He never keeps his bedroom clean;
Says, "Gmmphmmnn know what I mean?";
Drinks soda till his teeth turn green;
Has angry spells with pouts between --
All
Because of that Damn Screen.
But when he's off of the DS,
He's just a kid: his room's a mess;
Says "Hunh" for "what?" and "no" and "yes";
Has quite a sweet tooth, I confess;
But LIKES TO CUDDLE (more or less) --
All
Because of that incess-
ant tweedle doodle eedly boodle meedle meep meep bshh bzzt xchip pluup grink blink bloobeedoop iggledabonk finally finally FINALLY
giving me a moment's ress-
t.
But unfortunately the new DS - darn that Santa, who tends to bring the toys which we, the parents, frown upon - is making him a bit of an irritable zombie when he's not in school.
My five-year-old acts like a teen:
He never keeps his bedroom clean;
Says, "Gmmphmmnn know what I mean?";
Drinks soda till his teeth turn green;
Has angry spells with pouts between --
All
Because of that Damn Screen.
But when he's off of the DS,
He's just a kid: his room's a mess;
Says "Hunh" for "what?" and "no" and "yes";
Has quite a sweet tooth, I confess;
But LIKES TO CUDDLE (more or less) --
All
Because of that incess-
ant tweedle doodle eedly boodle meedle meep meep bshh bzzt xchip pluup grink blink bloobeedoop iggledabonk finally finally FINALLY
giving me a moment's ress-
t.
Burris and the Senate
Well, looky here: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/07/us/politics/07burris.html?hp
Burris turns up for the Senate and they won't let him play.
I wonder how long before the jokes flow about a black man refusing to give up a seat, followed by a demand for a senate boycott - how racist: shouldn't it be a mancott?
In history - both class and thing -
this phrase has a familiar ring:
Those who don't know, they must repeat.
Now (wait a second, what was it about a guy on a bus not getting up for a pregnant lady? or a pregnant lady not getting up for an elderly person? or the bus being delayed because it picked up too many wheelchairs? or no, I know:)
something about race and giving up a seat.
Anyhoo, I'm sure that they'll find out whose coats those are and he'll be able to sit down in no time.
Burris turns up for the Senate and they won't let him play.
I wonder how long before the jokes flow about a black man refusing to give up a seat, followed by a demand for a senate boycott - how racist: shouldn't it be a mancott?
In history - both class and thing -
this phrase has a familiar ring:
Those who don't know, they must repeat.
Now (wait a second, what was it about a guy on a bus not getting up for a pregnant lady? or a pregnant lady not getting up for an elderly person? or the bus being delayed because it picked up too many wheelchairs? or no, I know:)
something about race and giving up a seat.
Anyhoo, I'm sure that they'll find out whose coats those are and he'll be able to sit down in no time.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Madge Monday
We're back in school, like the Obama kids, only with a smaller convoy.
And this morning went smoothly, thanks for asking. It was a close call, though, until Madge remembered that she had computer class today, which made it all okay.
But, man, was I at a loss what to put in their lunches today.
Packing lunches,
heaps and bunches
hasn't been on my horizon.
Planning ahead
and buying some bread
is a thing up to which I won't wisen.*
Hark, what's that I see among all the food clutter?
A loaf of white, praise be, I'm sold.
And right there's a smidgen of peanut butter.
Oh, dad-gum-it, foiled again:
mold.
*but only because "to which up I won't wisen" looks even worse.
And this morning went smoothly, thanks for asking. It was a close call, though, until Madge remembered that she had computer class today, which made it all okay.
But, man, was I at a loss what to put in their lunches today.
Packing lunches,
heaps and bunches
hasn't been on my horizon.
Planning ahead
and buying some bread
is a thing up to which I won't wisen.*
Hark, what's that I see among all the food clutter?
A loaf of white, praise be, I'm sold.
And right there's a smidgen of peanut butter.
Oh, dad-gum-it, foiled again:
mold.
*but only because "to which up I won't wisen" looks even worse.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Stimulus Package
Third-Quarter Spending
The economy is ailing
And analysts are wailing.
They know just why the world is ending:
Third-quarter spending.
But I refuse to see such gloom,
So this I am intending:
Where they see dung I’ll find a bloom
In third-quarter spending.
The gumballs at our movie store
Are more than ornamental.
When you find a yellow one
They give you a free rental.
I put two coins in the machine;
Madge gets red and Coco green.
You see what is impending:
Some good third-quarter spending.
At “Peep World” up on 33rd
Near 7th Ave, I think,
Is where some guys just can’t, well, uh,
You see, it’s too much drink.
They put two coins in the machine
And limply shrug at what they’ve seen.
But wait, something’s un-bending.
That’s good third-quarter spending.
The economy is ailing
And analysts are wailing.
They know just why the world is ending:
Third-quarter spending.
But I refuse to see such gloom,
So this I am intending:
Where they see dung I’ll find a bloom
In third-quarter spending.
The gumballs at our movie store
Are more than ornamental.
When you find a yellow one
They give you a free rental.
I put two coins in the machine;
Madge gets red and Coco green.
You see what is impending:
Some good third-quarter spending.
At “Peep World” up on 33rd
Near 7th Ave, I think,
Is where some guys just can’t, well, uh,
You see, it’s too much drink.
They put two coins in the machine
And limply shrug at what they’ve seen.
But wait, something’s un-bending.
That’s good third-quarter spending.
Friday, January 02, 2009
New Year's Challenge
To the chagrin of all you readers, I'll be trying to put my posts in verse. Not all, don't worry.
It'll help me keep in shape, I think.
Here's the first, inspired by how stranded we felt a week ago when the buzzer stopped working.
Ring For Service
Our doorbell and our intercom
Have buckled under stress;
The stress of endless ringing from
The mail and UPS.
We cannot talk, we cannot hear.
When friends stop by, we’re rude.
And now we face our greatest fear:
We cannot order food.
It'll help me keep in shape, I think.
Here's the first, inspired by how stranded we felt a week ago when the buzzer stopped working.
Ring For Service
Our doorbell and our intercom
Have buckled under stress;
The stress of endless ringing from
The mail and UPS.
We cannot talk, we cannot hear.
When friends stop by, we’re rude.
And now we face our greatest fear:
We cannot order food.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Madge Monday
I need to keep my notebook around me again because all the delightful Madge nuggets have slipped my mind.
An amazing turn of events, one that shows how much more mature my kids are than I was at their age - or now, for that matter - is that they are truly enjoying the pjs they got for Christmas.
Madge is not enjoying Coco's insistence on playing his DS, though.
Oh, here we are: One thing that's an odd turn of events is that Madge is now a fan of Adam Sandler. We saw Bedtime Stories and as a result rented Billy Madison and Mr. Deeds. I guess it's like someone of my generation discovering Peter Sellers.
Okay, that made me laugh. No, no. Maybe Jerry Lewis. Or. Ah, Benny Hill.
An amazing turn of events, one that shows how much more mature my kids are than I was at their age - or now, for that matter - is that they are truly enjoying the pjs they got for Christmas.
Madge is not enjoying Coco's insistence on playing his DS, though.
Oh, here we are: One thing that's an odd turn of events is that Madge is now a fan of Adam Sandler. We saw Bedtime Stories and as a result rented Billy Madison and Mr. Deeds. I guess it's like someone of my generation discovering Peter Sellers.
Okay, that made me laugh. No, no. Maybe Jerry Lewis. Or. Ah, Benny Hill.
Friday, December 26, 2008
post x-mas
All is well. Santa came, although how he found a moment between all the times the kids woke up is a mystery.
But we're all happy and resting. All of X-mas day, except for a brief foray to get Chinese food, was spent in pajamas.
Awesome.
I hope yours was as restful as ours.
But we're all happy and resting. All of X-mas day, except for a brief foray to get Chinese food, was spent in pajamas.
Awesome.
I hope yours was as restful as ours.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Coco Tuesday
Accidents breed the best ideas sometimes.
Coco was at a birthday party last weekend and won some pin-the-something on the Optimus Prime and the host mom didn't have prizes for the actual game. Instead of simply making it a game for the fun of it, she gave Coco a dollar bill.
Guess what was one of the highlights of the party? A much bigger impact than a party trinket at a much lower cost. Literally more value for your dollar.
Coco was at a birthday party last weekend and won some pin-the-something on the Optimus Prime and the host mom didn't have prizes for the actual game. Instead of simply making it a game for the fun of it, she gave Coco a dollar bill.
Guess what was one of the highlights of the party? A much bigger impact than a party trinket at a much lower cost. Literally more value for your dollar.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Madge Monday
A classic in our house that hasn't happened in a while, which is why I realize how strange it must seem:
Madge was helping Coco with his bath tonight, making sure he used soap and washed his hair. After the shampoo and conditioner, I heard her say this,
"Okay, and this is the Shiseido..."
No Ivory in our quaint little apartment.
Madge was helping Coco with his bath tonight, making sure he used soap and washed his hair. After the shampoo and conditioner, I heard her say this,
"Okay, and this is the Shiseido..."
No Ivory in our quaint little apartment.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
image from Life
should be here, but I don't see it
Oh, well, I'll get it another way. Ah. There it is.
Point is, I got to it through looking at this stuff. Do so, now.
Isn't it cool?
And that TimeLife picture archive is quite interesting and thought-provoking. I'll figure out something to do with it eventually. I followed the steps and Got "Chile 1960 Summer Olympics" as title and found the image by searching for "chile 1960." Apparently Eisenhower visited that year and they had an earthquake. And Ramen noodles.
Oh, well, I'll get it another way. Ah. There it is.
Point is, I got to it through looking at this stuff. Do so, now.
Isn't it cool?
And that TimeLife picture archive is quite interesting and thought-provoking. I'll figure out something to do with it eventually. I followed the steps and Got "Chile 1960 Summer Olympics" as title and found the image by searching for "chile 1960." Apparently Eisenhower visited that year and they had an earthquake. And Ramen noodles.
'tis the season, finally
Christmas shopping is never what I think it should be.
I go to a store with something specific in mind, and then, when they don't have that, I feel bad because I feel like I've had to settle for something less.
But I ran into a friend today at Macy's, he was spritzing. That was fun.
I'm just glad I finally got to go, what with working, the kids' schedule, and the annoying illnesses.
The gifts don't feel done, but I do, so I may venture out again tomorrow after my dental appointment. I'm sure I'll be in the mood.
I go to a store with something specific in mind, and then, when they don't have that, I feel bad because I feel like I've had to settle for something less.
But I ran into a friend today at Macy's, he was spritzing. That was fun.
I'm just glad I finally got to go, what with working, the kids' schedule, and the annoying illnesses.
The gifts don't feel done, but I do, so I may venture out again tomorrow after my dental appointment. I'm sure I'll be in the mood.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Coco Tuesday
Oh, they start so young, don't they.
Coco and I were walking home the other day and he asked me if pre-school was for bigger kids than kindergarten. I said No, it's before school.
Then he asked what school we were walking by and I said A middle school.
Are those older kids? he asked and I said Yes.
Then he said, out little baby said, "Is that when they get ... ?"
And he made a cupping gesture in front of his chest.
What the?
"Boobies?" I asked.
And he grinned. "Yes."
"Yes," I said.
When I related this to Julie, she said what you're all thinking.
"He's your son."
I have no idea what that means.
Coco and I were walking home the other day and he asked me if pre-school was for bigger kids than kindergarten. I said No, it's before school.
Then he asked what school we were walking by and I said A middle school.
Are those older kids? he asked and I said Yes.
Then he said, out little baby said, "Is that when they get ... ?"
And he made a cupping gesture in front of his chest.
What the?
"Boobies?" I asked.
And he grinned. "Yes."
"Yes," I said.
When I related this to Julie, she said what you're all thinking.
"He's your son."
I have no idea what that means.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Madge Monday
We are playing a happy-go-lucky game of Pass the Illness in our house and Madge has decided to cheat. It was clearly Coco's turn after she started things off and handed them on to me while Julie was getting her own illness on when out of town. But Madge seems to have decided to show us all how it's done and took the illness back. An unheard-of, unprecedented move. Bold.
I just hope we can have a few regular days before the Christmas break.
At this point, slipping out to buy presents while the kids are in school is becoming exceedingly difficult.
I just hope we can have a few regular days before the Christmas break.
At this point, slipping out to buy presents while the kids are in school is becoming exceedingly difficult.
Friday, December 12, 2008
typo of the day
The typo was found in a boring context, but tweaked, it could be a useful pun, as in:
Prince Rainier was raised in an abusive manor.
Oh, I forgot to warn you about the bad pun. My bad.
Prince Rainier was raised in an abusive manor.
Oh, I forgot to warn you about the bad pun. My bad.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
The Shame
I went to a book signing in the neighborhood tonight.
Oh, my.
Because of the way my time is organized, though, and because the book signing didn't start until 7:30pm, I came away empty-handed. Well, that's not true, I came away with some bribery books, some unicorn thing and some Clone Wars deal.
And I came away with a slightly sinking feeling around the heart area because the author (John Hodgman) was making fun (lightly, of course) about the way kids dominate the lifestyle of our neighborhood. And since my kids' bedtime was the prime reason I couldn't stick around for the actual signing part of the book discussion and signing, I couldn't buy a book.
The store, in its wisdom, had removed all the copies from the floor for a more easy signing frenzy access. Or, conversely, for random shopping inaccess.
Maybe I'll just get a copy and forge his signature. Or stalk the neighborhood for Hodgman sightings. He should wear a bright red scarf like Paul Auster, to be more inconspicuously conspicuous.
The kids, incidentally, were great. They were reading in the back - Madge was reading to Coco, that is - with occasional forages to me to visit the bathroom or to tell me about the Obama books they found.
Oh, my.
Because of the way my time is organized, though, and because the book signing didn't start until 7:30pm, I came away empty-handed. Well, that's not true, I came away with some bribery books, some unicorn thing and some Clone Wars deal.
And I came away with a slightly sinking feeling around the heart area because the author (John Hodgman) was making fun (lightly, of course) about the way kids dominate the lifestyle of our neighborhood. And since my kids' bedtime was the prime reason I couldn't stick around for the actual signing part of the book discussion and signing, I couldn't buy a book.
The store, in its wisdom, had removed all the copies from the floor for a more easy signing frenzy access. Or, conversely, for random shopping inaccess.
Maybe I'll just get a copy and forge his signature. Or stalk the neighborhood for Hodgman sightings. He should wear a bright red scarf like Paul Auster, to be more inconspicuously conspicuous.
The kids, incidentally, were great. They were reading in the back - Madge was reading to Coco, that is - with occasional forages to me to visit the bathroom or to tell me about the Obama books they found.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Coco Tuesday
Coco is tired of weepy Madge and it's hard for me not to giggle when he rolls his eyes and asks if she's crying again. But she fell asleep before eight and before Coco tonight, so tomorrow should be better. To cheer her up, though, he said, "Everybody who loves Madge, raise your hand." If the cat had been in the room, Coco would have raised the cat's paw, too. He's done it before.
In other Coco news, he's talking non-stop. And with my super-sore throat, I just can't keep up. We realized that I could write on dry-erase boards (which we have in the house), but Coco's reading is very selective. He sounds out the first letter and guesses the rest. So we gave up on that one fairly quickly.
In other Coco news, he's talking non-stop. And with my super-sore throat, I just can't keep up. We realized that I could write on dry-erase boards (which we have in the house), but Coco's reading is very selective. He sounds out the first letter and guesses the rest. So we gave up on that one fairly quickly.
Investments Gone South?
Now they can do so literally.
I read about it in the NYTimes and now I'm giving them a bit of free advertising here. Why not? Their plan is cutely creative.
The idea is this. Elite Island Resorts is taking the German saying "lieber nichts als gar nichts" to heart. (It means, "better nothing than nothing at all.") And, as a result, they are taking stocks as payment for rooms. The kicker is this: they're taking stocks at the rate they were trading on July 1, 2008 (up to $5,000 per room).
The trade is empty rooms for worthless stocks. Everyone wins.
But don't order room service. Who's to guarantee you don't get the food from July 1?
I read about it in the NYTimes and now I'm giving them a bit of free advertising here. Why not? Their plan is cutely creative.
The idea is this. Elite Island Resorts is taking the German saying "lieber nichts als gar nichts" to heart. (It means, "better nothing than nothing at all.") And, as a result, they are taking stocks as payment for rooms. The kicker is this: they're taking stocks at the rate they were trading on July 1, 2008 (up to $5,000 per room).
The trade is empty rooms for worthless stocks. Everyone wins.
But don't order room service. Who's to guarantee you don't get the food from July 1?
Monday, December 08, 2008
Madge Monday
Madge has been weepy lately, especially at bedtime. She says it's because Mommy's going out of town so close to Christmas. Sure, that's part of it, but there's more. At least tonight she admitted that there's more which she doesn't want to tell.
And I almost started giving suggestions but realized that could backfire too easily. As in, I'd be giving her way more things to cry about than she had ever really considered before.
"What is it, honey? Did your friends say something about how you dress?"
"No."
"Did you find out [BLANK] doesn't exist?"
"No."
"Did you realize you will die someday?"
"No."
etc.
Instead, I'll just wait and see what may be forthcoming.
And I almost started giving suggestions but realized that could backfire too easily. As in, I'd be giving her way more things to cry about than she had ever really considered before.
"What is it, honey? Did your friends say something about how you dress?"
"No."
"Did you find out [BLANK] doesn't exist?"
"No."
"Did you realize you will die someday?"
"No."
etc.
Instead, I'll just wait and see what may be forthcoming.
reflexive actions
Not the kind you think about much, obviously.
But every once in a while an illness reminds you of them. Mine is swallowing. I never knew how often you - I should say "I" but I include all of us in this - swallow extra spittle that finds its way into your mouth - not "my mouth" because that odd mix of personal pronouns would get a little too intimate.
We thought it was strep but I don't have the stuffy sinus achiness and thickness that plays the countertenor to the difficulty to swallow. I went to the doctor and found out that it's essentially a really bad sore throat. Good, because I'm not contagious, but bad because I just feel like a big sissy now.
And that's what she said, too: "Pfffft. It's just a sore throat, you big sissy."
Well, those may not have been her exact words. I'm paraphrasing. What she said was something like "pharyngogobbledygook." But it's what I took away from the visit.
But every once in a while an illness reminds you of them. Mine is swallowing. I never knew how often you - I should say "I" but I include all of us in this - swallow extra spittle that finds its way into your mouth - not "my mouth" because that odd mix of personal pronouns would get a little too intimate.
We thought it was strep but I don't have the stuffy sinus achiness and thickness that plays the countertenor to the difficulty to swallow. I went to the doctor and found out that it's essentially a really bad sore throat. Good, because I'm not contagious, but bad because I just feel like a big sissy now.
And that's what she said, too: "Pfffft. It's just a sore throat, you big sissy."
Well, those may not have been her exact words. I'm paraphrasing. What she said was something like "pharyngogobbledygook." But it's what I took away from the visit.
Friday, December 05, 2008
a blurb I'd like to see
"...as educational as de Sade's 120 Days in Sodom, but without the annoying preachiness!"
--USA Today
--USA Today
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
cold
Maybe I'm too stingy with our nighttime heating, but last night the cat crawled under the covers and curled around Julie's hot-water bottle.
Nah. It's not too cold.
He's a pussy.
Nah. It's not too cold.
He's a pussy.
relationship status
Facebook is careful about people's relations to one another. So, when I realized I could change my relationship status and finally did click on the box that said married and then filled in my wife's name, it zapped this message to Julie:
(This relationship request, by the way, was confirmed more quickly than the original proposal. It's amazing what twelve years of marriage can do.)
I'm just wondering, if I changed it to "single," would she would get an email about that as well?
And to all of you who have congratulated me on facebook, thanks. I'm registered at Amazon.
Philipp said on Facebook that you two are married. We need you to confirm that you are, in fact, married to Philipp.I think the bit that made Julie laugh so much was the great timing of the ", in fact," which is quite good, I must say.
To confirm this relationship request, follow the link below:...
(This relationship request, by the way, was confirmed more quickly than the original proposal. It's amazing what twelve years of marriage can do.)
I'm just wondering, if I changed it to "single," would she would get an email about that as well?
And to all of you who have congratulated me on facebook, thanks. I'm registered at Amazon.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Coco Tuesday
Part of our wonderful Thanksgiving weekend included a trip to Macy’s Santaland. If you go on a Sunday morning, as we did, the lines are non-existent and the Santas are relaxed. (Incidentally, I typed this up in MSWord and its spell-check does not allow for the plural of Santa; they believe!) And, to continue that thread of thought, the elves were more informed this year. I think Coco wore his Omnitrix (MSWord has not heard of the Omnitrix) this year to test them, and when an elf commented on the “cool Ben Ten watch” he nodded approvingly. Last year’s elves didn’t know whereof he spoke when he mentioned Ben Ten and this really worried him.
Anyway, one of the greater Random Coco Inventions is that he just started chanting the word Santaland and it eventually morphed, via an extension of the final “a” into something resembling Robert Plant’s banshee yell in Led Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song.”
I am not kidding. He’s seen “School of Rock,” after all. So we’ve expanded it. Now we play it on the iPod and sing along.
So far we have:
Daddy: DiGUNG-dugga-DIgah, DiGUNG-dugga-DIgah…
Coco: Santalaaaaaaa-AAAND! Santalaaaaaaa-AAAND!
Daddy: He comes from the land of the ice and snow,
Where the elves make toys and the reindeer go.
Santa makes his rounds.
He flies his sleigh to new lands,
To hand out gifts, singing and crying:
Oh, children, I am coming!
Kiddies sleep, parents snore,
And in the morning they hear, “More! More! More!”
DiGUNG-dugga-DIgah, DiGUNG-dugga-DIgah…
Coco: Santalaaaaaa-AAAND! Santalaaaaaaa-AAAND!
Daddy: He comes from the land of the ice and snow,
Where the elves-
Coco: Daddy, can you stop that and we do the Santalaaaaaaa-AAAND part again?
Anyway, one of the greater Random Coco Inventions is that he just started chanting the word Santaland and it eventually morphed, via an extension of the final “a” into something resembling Robert Plant’s banshee yell in Led Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song.”
I am not kidding. He’s seen “School of Rock,” after all. So we’ve expanded it. Now we play it on the iPod and sing along.
So far we have:
Daddy: DiGUNG-dugga-DIgah, DiGUNG-dugga-DIgah…
Coco: Santalaaaaaaa-AAAND! Santalaaaaaaa-AAAND!
Daddy: He comes from the land of the ice and snow,
Where the elves make toys and the reindeer go.
Santa makes his rounds.
He flies his sleigh to new lands,
To hand out gifts, singing and crying:
Oh, children, I am coming!
Kiddies sleep, parents snore,
And in the morning they hear, “More! More! More!”
DiGUNG-dugga-DIgah, DiGUNG-dugga-DIgah…
Coco: Santalaaaaaa-AAAND! Santalaaaaaaa-AAAND!
Daddy: He comes from the land of the ice and snow,
Where the elves-
Coco: Daddy, can you stop that and we do the Santalaaaaaaa-AAAND part again?
The pardoned
I guess what I was trying to get at about the names is that they sound too Dickensian to be true, as if Marc Rich and Pincus Green would be followed by Sir Sydney Coinpurse, Whelan Dealings, Saint-John Pennypincher, James Gross, Franklin Netwirth, and Johnny Cash.
Catching Up
I'm trying to be a little more informed about what's going on, seeing as how I voted and all and figure I ought to be an example to the kids.
So, there's this Eric Holder guy who wants to be Attorney General. Or, to be more lawyerish: he has been asked to be the Attorney General and to the best of his knowledge, he did not decline.
And the sticky point in his nomination is his role in the pardon of Marc Rich.
Like most people (I'm guessing), all is know is: Marc Rich pardon = not cool. But why? pffff, uh, um...
The backstory is this (from the NYTimes): "In 1983, Marc Rich was indicted along with his partner, Pincus Green, and their companies on 65 counts of defrauding the I.R.S., mail fraud, tax evasion, racketeering, defrauding the Treasury and trading with the enemy." (Oil, Iran, hostages: the usual.) Or, as we like to specify in my family, "No, kids, he was indicted for 'getting caught' defrauding and racketeering. The lesson..."
Now, I just can't get over the cartoony names of these guys. Is he Richie's dad? And Pincus Green? Was Red-Whitus Blue taken?
But once I do get over the names, the dates are striking. Indicted in 1983. No wonder I didn't know about it, I was busy trying to get my elvin thief past some orcs.
And then, maybe because I'm reading Bleak House, I realize that Clinton was done being president - at least as far as the law and the history books were concerned, I'm not talking about in his mind - in Jan. 2001. That's a speedy legal process, no?
So maybe the subtext of the Holder hearings is that he's a crappy lawyer for letting the Marc Rich issue end so soon, before every law firm in the U.S. got a little taste of the legal fees involved.
So, there's this Eric Holder guy who wants to be Attorney General. Or, to be more lawyerish: he has been asked to be the Attorney General and to the best of his knowledge, he did not decline.
And the sticky point in his nomination is his role in the pardon of Marc Rich.
Like most people (I'm guessing), all is know is: Marc Rich pardon = not cool. But why? pffff, uh, um...
The backstory is this (from the NYTimes): "In 1983, Marc Rich was indicted along with his partner, Pincus Green, and their companies on 65 counts of defrauding the I.R.S., mail fraud, tax evasion, racketeering, defrauding the Treasury and trading with the enemy." (Oil, Iran, hostages: the usual.) Or, as we like to specify in my family, "No, kids, he was indicted for 'getting caught' defrauding and racketeering. The lesson..."
Now, I just can't get over the cartoony names of these guys. Is he Richie's dad? And Pincus Green? Was Red-Whitus Blue taken?
But once I do get over the names, the dates are striking. Indicted in 1983. No wonder I didn't know about it, I was busy trying to get my elvin thief past some orcs.
And then, maybe because I'm reading Bleak House, I realize that Clinton was done being president - at least as far as the law and the history books were concerned, I'm not talking about in his mind - in Jan. 2001. That's a speedy legal process, no?
So maybe the subtext of the Holder hearings is that he's a crappy lawyer for letting the Marc Rich issue end so soon, before every law firm in the U.S. got a little taste of the legal fees involved.
Monday, December 01, 2008
Madge Monday
Poor Madge is still not feeling up to snuff.
Of course she can get up at 7am every morning during the Thanksgiving break, but this morning, for school...
She went. But I had to get her, early, from the nurse's office, since she is still easily exhausted. Madge, that is. The nurse may be, too, but she hasn't told me.
Part of Madge's problem is that she's very tired but can't get herself to go to bed before her little brother, who's on top of his game, making nonstop poop and fart and pee references.
Which bug a tired older sister.
Joy.
Of course she can get up at 7am every morning during the Thanksgiving break, but this morning, for school...
She went. But I had to get her, early, from the nurse's office, since she is still easily exhausted. Madge, that is. The nurse may be, too, but she hasn't told me.
Part of Madge's problem is that she's very tired but can't get herself to go to bed before her little brother, who's on top of his game, making nonstop poop and fart and pee references.
Which bug a tired older sister.
Joy.
half-full/half-empty business news
A NYTimes headline, "New York Pays Back $800 Million in Business Tax," might be rewritten as, "New York Businesses Get $800 Million Windfall."
They'd better report that income.
They'd better report that income.
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