U Fable(s)

A little late, but therefore get more (a variant of "not only was the food bad, but the portions were tiny").


The Ulcer and the Ultimatum

And ultimatum and an ulcer were at yet another meeting with their marriage counselor. They were saying the stereotypical things. The ultimatum kept pressuring the counselor to resolve their issues soon, or else. The ulcer just kept groaning.
Finally, the counselor gave up on his fee and spoke some words of truth. “Look. Clearly you guys need each other and fulfill one another. Dys- or not, what you’ve got functions.”
“Oh,” they said together and briefly disappeared.

The Ukelele and the Uncle Rule

A man went into a pawn shop, where a charming little ukulele caught his eye. He was about to purchase it when the pawn broker showed him the Uncle Rule, which stated: “I hereby solemnly declare never to procreate and to plague nieces and nephews with awful renditions of ‘Tiptoe Through The Tulips’ in perpetuity.”

Finally, the fabulist regrets not thinking of any cool animals beginning with the letter “U.”