Madge Monday

I think it’s fair to say that Madge is a suspicious person. Her most recent line of questioning led down this path: Santa watches us all the time. This is not to be doubted. But how does he do it?
Her answer: He’s monitoring us through the toys.
The logic is impeccable. First, of course, you must understand that toys, in our house, are omnipresent. For me, the best part of the reasoning is that, if you don’t have any toys, you’re automatically in the “bad” list and don’t need to be watched in the first place.
I know, I know. Some people can’t afford toys. But I think she means playthings in general.

Last week, I tried showing her how suspicious she is by saying that, as much as she likes watching movies or playing on the computer, she wouldn’t want to if I were to choose the movie or game. Her response: Well, what would you choose?
I said, You wouldn’t know beforehand. Would you do it?
Her response: Well, what would you choose?
And I’ve chosen some winners recently. “Home Alone” and “Miracle on 34th Street” – which got her involved in spite of being black and white. (Ever notice how Black and White movies are more nuanced than those in Color? – Essay question: Black and White movies aren’t. Discuss.) Still, that girl just doesn’t trust me. I guess parents are like vegetables. Good for you, but there’s something not right about them.

And then, this morning, she got to do a very big-girl thing. Tired of being late to her school because of Coco, I called a neighbor, whose son is in her class, and asked her to take Madge with them to school. I went to the front balcony – the Mussolini-speech-balcony – and watched her go next door and ring the bell.
Okay, it wasn’t a big-girl thing for her. It was a she’s-growing-up thing for me.

I’m better now, thanks for asking.
(Tissue, please.)