Tamagotchi

Feel free to light up a cigar.
I've managed to coax Tamagotchi along far enough to make a baby with it.
Well, really, I was just the matchmaker. I heard it bleep and figured it was time to change some poop again. But no, T was hanging out with a fellow T-being. I pushed a button and was asked, "Love? Yes, No." I chose yes. The two got together and a heart appeared between them. Then the lights went out, there were fireworks, and now there's a baby.
Funny, that's the story of me and Julie in a nutshell.
But that Tamagotchi man-bastard jerk is gone now and left T and me to take care of the baby ourselves. What kind of a message are today's toys teaching our kids? Where is the federal government when you need it? Let's get a constitutional amendment started. I've already got 22 signatures, but they're not very legible and in crayon.