lung infection and strep fallout

I don't recommend it, but at least it's an enforced weight-loss program.

And I think I passed some sort of threshold in that respect because some random person on the street yesterday asked me if I was on TV. I was in a bit of a hurry, so I truthfully said "No."

And he apologized. Why would you apologize after an indirect compliment like that.

Wait.

Maybe the lack of food is just making me optimistically light-headed. You see all sorts of characters on TV, don't you?

Shoot.

ack-kpflt

I'm not saying you should feed your cat pop-rocks on purpose, though you may want to just in the name of science.

My sister and nephew sent Coco some German Spongebob lollipop-to-be-dipped-in-sour-pop-rocks treat. (Thanks, Tina and Jannik!) Unfortunately, the lollipop broke during shipping, so I poured everything out on a plate so Coco could still enjoy the sweetness and the head rush.

The cat, of course, bode (really? not bided, spell-check? hm.) his time and sneaked a little taste later in the day. I missed the initial face he made because I was out of the apartment, but I came home to the cat racing around with a puffed tail, and the kids and Julie suppressing laughter.

Who's keeping track? Was that life number three for our cat?

countdown

I'm not saying it's parents vs. kids, mind you, but sometimes...

Parenting, like the last two minutes of a basketball game, has a lot of set plays ready, depending on what the score is. And, in general, the whole day is structured to get into a good position for those crucial last moments.

I'm talking about getting the kids into bed. Daily activities, meals, school work, treats, baths, etc. all line up for that crucial final struggle to bed. On regular days I have things in place for the following exchanges:

Can I still...?

No.

But I just...

No.

But I have to...

Well, you had plenty time earlier. Lesson learned, right?

But I'm still hungry.

You didn't seem hungry at dinner.

And so on.

But when the parents are sick, all of our answers tend to be a mix of "unh" "ack" and "okay, whatever," making bedtime more and more prolonged and the kids less and less rational.

"I wanna sleep in my swimsuit on the dining table."

"ack"

"Can I have some brownies now? And then use the rest of the brownies as my pillow?"

"unh"

"I'm cold. Do you have some fives I can set on fire?"

"Okay, whatever"

In other words, don't ask about last night.

dang me, dang me, they ought to take a rope...

I'm as sorry about Alexander McQueen's death as anyone who has never met the guy and doesn't really know much about him.

But something like that does set you thinking: why is there a difference between hanged and hung.

Both refer to a similar physical act of suspension, right?

Hanged, I looked it up just to make sure, refers to the execution of a death sentence. Then, I don't know when, suicides got tacked on. At least that's how it appears in the dictionaries I've seen. Is it because so many suicidal hangings occurred in jail cells? Or because it is a death sentence to oneself?

Either way, saying "hung" instead of "hanged" seems - nowadays - to be a victimless grammatical crime. I mean, the person whom it most affects is not around to complain. It's like those people who tell me not to call a spider an insect, "It's an arachnid!"

I'll bet spiders don't give a flying filament either way. They probably call themselves a collection of clicks that means "the tribe" or "winners" or some such.

Back to hanging. Sure, it could offend those who passed the death sentence by suspension, but those days are gone, we have more sophisticated methods now.

It makes me wonder, though, having kids, how that word came about.

I'm guessing in the days of the Wild West the lynch-mob justices were as grammatically savvy as Coco when he was three, and when they came home after a hard day of justice-dispensing and were asked what they did, they answered,

"Oh, we hangded a cattle thief."

Latinists Help Out, Please

I'm trying to come up with a truthful family motto, and I think it should be

abbas poena est umquam ridiculus.

But my knowledge of Latin is limited to Asterix comics, so I'm not sure if that works. It's supposed to mean: It's always funny when daddy gets hurt. I tried to make it sound more Latin-y by making it "father's pain is ever laughable" and typing that phrase into an internet translator. Any of you remember Latin from school, those of you who took it and didn't skip too often?

Anyway, yesterday I was listening to my iPod while the kids were watching Star Wars (the one with the Ewoks, III or VI or whatever you want to call it) because Madge was home, sick, and deserved a treat. (Why she chose Star Wars remains a mystery.) I was feeling chilly, so I got a fleece blanket and pulled it over me and

ZAP!

the freaking blanket generated static that shot through the wires into my left ear with a KAPATKAPOWPATANG and a stream of expletives from my mouth and guffaws from the kids.

I'm also taking suggestions for the family crest under which the motto shall appear.

I'm thinking of a silhouette of a man hopping on one foot while holding the other that got injured by a stray toy or table leg. Simpler is better, so I think the crest will avoid children and spouse convulsing in laughter.

(Seriously, do any of you know Latin enough to help out? Should it be semper ridiculus? Is there a way to leave out the inelegant-looking "est"?)

sorry to do this, but:

take a deep breath and listen to this

you're welcome

skating party

I'm going to get my skates today so I can go on the fifth grade field trip to the skating rink in the park. I like having my own skates because only my feet have been in them.

But carrying them around all over the place just to save $5 is a pain.

Also, it gives the impression that I can skate when, clearly, my performance on the ice says everything but. (Actually, it says all butt, because that's what has the most contact with the ice.)

The kids, I think, get to bring in their music to be played. This being Park Slope, I'm looking forward to ice dancing to Isolde's Love Death, followed by the Chipettes cover of Single Ladies.

wildlife photography

Our fun with pre-production photo-shopping. That's why we have digital toys around, so we can make random air-collages.

(I'm especially proud of the one with the cat, even though that stinker turned his head and is still partially in the photo - blows your mind, right?)